Negotiation is often surrounded by preconceived ideas and beliefs that influence the way we prepare and act. When we think of negotiation myths, statements such as “I’m not good at negotiating”, “experience is enough”, “improvisation replaces preparation”, “negotiating is competing”, “negotiating is cooperating”, “the secret is the soul of business”, “lying is part of negotiation”, or even “I should never make the first offer” and “I should always make the first offer” come to mind.
These myths are generalizations that make effective negotiation practices more difficult. Therefore, it is worth analyzing them to better understand what truly matters in achieving optimized negotiation results.
Myth 1 – I’m not good at negotiating
A common belief is that the ability to negotiate is something innate. However, this view is misleading. Negotiation skills are built through practice, feedback, and continuous learning. We are not born good negotiators – we become good negotiators. Intelligence and talent are only the starting point; the rest comes from dedication, hard work, and training.
Myth 2 – Experience is enough
Experience has its value, but it is not sufficient. If we rely solely on experience, we may fall into the following traps:
• Understanding what works without understanding why it works, which limits our ability to adapt to different circumstances;
• Dividing learning by industry (e.g., negotiating in retail is different from negotiating in banking?) instead of by type of problem (e.g., one-time negotiation versus recurring negotiation);
• Assuming success was achieved without making mistakes, which limits learning and makes us arrogant;
• Ten years of experience may mean one year of learning and nine years of repeating what was learned in year one;
• We may become great experts in our own mistakes!
The negotiation process requires disciplined training, reflection on mistakes, and a conscious effort to improve.
Myth 3 – Improvisation replaces preparation
Improvisation plays a very relevant role in negotiation, but it cannot replace preparation. As Benjamin Franklin said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Of course, we cannot become prisoners of the plan we have made; we must remain
flexible to deal with the unexpected, which will inevitably occur. But to improvise, we must be prepared. Improvisation is built on planning, not on emptiness.
Myth 4 – In negotiation, we must choose between competition or cooperation
Another recurring myth is to think that negotiating is only about competing or only about cooperating. Reality is more complex, as negotiation has two major dimensions: distributive and integrative. In the distributive dimension, the focus is on capturing value – increasing our share of the pie. In the integrative dimension, it is about creating value – increasing the total size of the pie. The key is to balance these two dimensions: consider others’ interests without giving up your own. In other words, negotiating is simultaneously competing and cooperating!
Myth 5 – The secret is the soul of business
The popular saying “the secret is the soul of business” can be misleading. In fact, what matters is distinguishing what should be kept secret from what can be shared. Often, mutual information sharing is the foundation for creating joint value. It is through sharing information that we move from rigid, incompatible positions to interests (needs, desires, concerns) that are often compatible and flexible.
Myth 6 – Lying is part of negotiation
Another dangerous myth is believing that lying is part of any negotiation. In the short term, lying may deceive some. But as the saying goes, “you can fool some people some of the time, but not all the people all of the time.” If your negotiation approach sacrifices the means in favor of the ends, sooner or later you will face problems. Do not forget that after the agreement comes the relationship – which we hope will not turn into a “ralação.” Credibility and trust remain fundamental pillars for sustainable negotiation relationships.
Myth 7 – I should never make the first offer
One of the classic dilemmas in negotiation is: should I or should I not make the first offer?
The risk is clear: by making the initial offer, you may go too low or too high. However, if that offer is realistic and not insulting, it can serve as a favorable anchor, guiding the entire negotiation around that value. This phenomenon is known as the anchoring effect: in contexts of uncertainty, we tend to adopt an initial reference value and adjust our estimates from it – regardless of its actual credibility. Thus, the recommendation is clear: prepare well so that you can make a first offer that is advantageous to you and capable of influencing the course of the negotiation.
Conclusion
Negotiation is not the result of natural talent, but of preparation, knowledge, practice, and ethics. Debunking negotiation myths allows us to approach each negotiation process with greater awareness and effectiveness, thereby achieving agreements that lead to mutual gain.
João Matos, Professor at CATÓLICA-LISBON